The month of May was challenging for me. I experienced a lack of energy and motivation. I had bouts of sadness, hopelessness, and depression……where was this coming from? My karma? Collective karma? Earth purging herself of negativity? I think portions of all of the above. And I asked myself the BIG question – how and why does anything happen? Everything seems to be arising spontaneously from nothing! Who can fathom the great mystery of Source? We can go out back of the beyond and further and still never figure it all out.
All I know is that it’s best to just let go and dance with whatever comes up. Feelings are like the weather; always changing. Life would be boring without the variety – all the subtle shades of light and shadow, the vicissitudes of tempo, crescendo and diminuendo, melody, harmony, counterpoint and cacophony…..
Somehow, I managed to stay out of my own way in the month of May. I had barely enough work to get through the month. I was fine when I was working; when I can be of service, its easy to lose myself in the process. I love my work and I can give myself totally to it. When I was with friends I was ok, but the challenge was when I was home alone; then the mind would wander into the shadows……and the shadow stories were coming up for review and release! YIKES!!
Give up……..there’s no hope……the demons are winning……I’ve failed……just throw in the towel……I did my best but it wasn’t good enough…..admit defeat and end it all….I’ll do better next life…..
I had wandered into that dark and dangerous neighborhood; the F.E.A.R zone (Fuck Everything And Run!)…..yet underneath it all there was that dim ray of light, that tiny voice whispering…..
these shadows are not real……they’re not YOU……its just stuff you’re going through……problems you’re solving…….they will dissolve and the sun will come out……it always does after the long dark night……
I did my daily meditations, self Reiki, Qi Gong, got some treatments from colleagues and managed to stay afloat. But man, those 2 eclipses had stirred up some major shit and the Pluto / Uranus square was kickin’ ma ASS!
After the Venus Transit on June 5th the fog lifted. I found myself talking to a trusted colleague and friend on the phone. I told her what I had been through in May. She said that she had been going through exactly the same thing! I immediately felt much better! Its not all about “me” thank god! And anyway, there is no separate “me”! That’s an illusion! We’re all in this together and we can share! Things have been great since then. I’ve broken through into a new plateau of abundance and prosperity and I couldn’t have done it without going through the shadows and transforming them into light.
But if the separate “me” is an illusion, then what is really real??
There is place of eternal peace and infinite love that was never born and will never die. I like to go there and hang out. Its open 24/7 – 365. The cost of admission is paid in the currency of surrender. Its an equal opportunity employer and the benefit package is exceptional. But you don’t even need health insurance because as long as you work there you will always be safe and well and there’s never any accidents. I applied for a job there and got hired on the spot! I did not have to fill out an application. There was no background check or references required. The boss took one look at me and declared, “Well, I can see that like every other being in existence, there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with you. You’re hired!”. Wow, that was too easy…..there must be a catch! ~ The boss read my mind ~ “There is no catch. Its not too good to be true!” ~ “Uhh…but…but what is my job description?” ~ “You have no duties here. You are totally free….and I am not the boss! There’s no hierarchy here. Do whatever you want. There’s no “right or wrong” here either – just do what you love to do and do it all the way. It will be beautiful!” ~ “But how do I get paid?” ~ “Don’t worry about that. You’ll always have everything you need when you need it. There’s no scarcity here and there’s never too much either. You’ll always have enough – no more, no less. (Oh, and BTW, you will be saving all beings from suffering…..its only natural!)
I got the job! Phew, What a relief! And now I know for sure what is real and what is not…….never forget……..never forget……